Day 161

June 10 at 1:17pm

Day 161

214.4 lbs

OK so hopefully it was just a little too much salt intake because I was up past 215 yesterday...so I feel better about that at least...

Really tired today but I've managed to do a little cleaning up in my house...and didn't even have one full cup of coffee although right now I'm having some iced tea...might have a coffee after that though because I can feel myself crashing and I've got too much to do today including going out for a bit if ONLY to get out of the house....or maybe I should take a nap....I just put Lily down so maybe I should take advantage since Jay took Charlotte out with him....hmmmmmmm...sounds good actually! Cause if I don't I may end up missing my walk again tonight...although I am allowed to miss two per week so I've only missed one....missed because I was supposed to dye my hair last night but was too tired once supper was over with...

Anyway...won't sit here any longer, just wanted to update for the day...




June 10 at 12:28am

Day 160 (it's 15 minutes after midnight on Day 161 but to me it's still Wednesday)

This week is not going well....I wish I wasn't such an emotional eater but when all else fails, I have food....when there doesn't seem to be any other direction to turn to I steer toward the fridge...it's comforting hum and light within beckon me when I can't sleep....when the day's events spin around in my mind keeping me from enjoying peaceful slumber, I can count on that one thing....but the problem is, it's so short lived....and sometimes the happiness I'm craving is not there at all....as I'm scarfing down a bowl of ice cream (which I don't even care for to begin with) or a Mars bar (the case tonight) I'm feeling sick with every bite and yet I continue to eat it because I'm looking and hoping to find that peace I so long for....

Sorry for the mushy mumbo jumbo....was a difficult day I guess and lately with so much loss and heatache around me I find it difficult to stumble through my life without being reminded of all the crap in the world we have to deal with....

It's been the better part of a week since I've slept properly...tonight is no different...I turn off the light, usually so tired I consider sleeping with it on so I don't have to turn it off, I think sleep is coming and then BAM! I am wide awake and there's nothing I can do to get to dreamland.

I suffered with insomnia for the better part of my first 20 years of life and in my adulthood I have bouts of it now and then for nostalgia...ha ha...unfortunately there is a nasty emotional side effect of it and unfortunately the two go hand in hand....when I can't sleep I get emotional and when I'm emotional I can't sleep....and the two spell disaster for any sort of weight loss regime....

Mind you I haven't had major weight gain this week (if you don't consider 2 pounds a major gain) and if I keep walking maybe I can reverse the effects these emotional outbursts may have on my waist..still trying to find it by the way....been so long since I've seen my waist that I am starting to think it's an urban legend...lol

Anyway...I should go...maybe read a bit and hopefully get sleepy again in the process....